


Virgil's Nightmare

by JoliChose



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-12-17 16:29:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21057473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoliChose/pseuds/JoliChose
Summary: It's a cold feeling in your chest. You're doing something wrong, you know it, but there is nothing else to do. You get colder. And then you realise : you're in the wrong sides of the road and you lost your friends.





	1. Act I

It was the night. Virgil was feeling more anxious than usual, causing Thomas few uncomfortable nightmares. But he had a good reason : just across the couch, in his own room, Remus and Deceit were looking at him like they were waiting for something. Virgil knew, of course... When he left few years ago, they told him he would come back. They must have been impatient, if they were here, and now they could do anything for their dear friend to come back. “Just like the good ol’ time...” like Remus like to say.

As the nightmares went on, Thomas’ Morality, Creativity and Logic met. They waited for the fourth one but he never showed up, and that was when they knew what was wrong. They have already faced it, they knew what to do, but no one wanted to risk their sanity again in Virgil’s room, so they did what every adult would do in this situation : a game of rock-paper-scissors. Patton lost, and after trying to switch place with Roman, he realized that he would be the better one to talk to Anxiety. So he went in his room while Logan and Roman were trying to find a temporary solution.  
When Patton popped in Virgil’s room, the latter jumped in front of him in a weird way.  
“Hum, hi, everything’s okay here, kiddo ? Patton asked gently.  
-Okay ? Does he look okay to you ? Deceit said, walking from behind Virge.  
-Yes, he’s rather... anxious... Remus added, doing the same. Look at these little eyes...”  
Patton gasped.  
“You, here ! I knew you weren’t honest Virgil !  
-Me ? the poor boy answered. Do you think I’m happy with this whole situation ?  
-Well, visibly you’re not happy with our situation ! Patton let out.  
-No- that’s not... that’s not that Patton... I just- believe me I don’t want that.”  
His interlocutor was so confuse he didn’t know what to do.  
“Maybe he has a problem with you, Deceit commented, facing Patton. After all you’re so... paternal !  
-Yeah ! Always putting limits too low and now Virgil’s anxious about everything ! Remus tried. You are still too strict and not only for me, but also for Deceit and... Virgil...”  
The said Virgil couldn’t speak because of Deceit’s power, so he was just looking at the floor.  
“I don’t believe you ! Patton snapped back.  
-Oh really ? Why do you think he isn’t talking now ? He knowssss it’s the truth, the snake whistled. You are making him so anxious he went to us to seek comfort... That is why he is not happy.  
-But we have no limits ! the Duke exclaimed happily. Nothing to be anxious about ! We are the only ones who can make him happy and stable ! You failed him ! Like- like you were holding a little rescued dog and let him fall on the road for a car to drive over it !  
-But we are the rock that make the car changing its direction... Deceit concluded.”  
The two Dark Sides were dangerously approaching Morality and the poor boy was already being anxious. Virgil stared at him without being able to speak.  
“Well... of this is what you want...”  
Deceit was about to put his hand on Patton’s shoulder when Virgil could finally scream :  
“BACK OFF ! DON’T TOUCH HIM !”  
But it was already too late, Patton already disappeared before he could hear his friend who was no longer one.

Thomas woke up around six with a headache. He rolled on his back and stayed in his bed for almost an hour, then he stood up and went to his kitchen taking some painkillers. He wasn’t feeling good, maybe he was sick... Or stressed. About what ? He only had to see Joan and Talyn today... Anxious ? That would be new for a simple afternoon with his friends. Well, not that new, but the last time it happened was in high school, it had been years ! He decided to call his sides but only Patton, Roman and Logan showed up, leaving Virgil’s corner empty.  
“Well, here is the problem, Thomas commented.  
-It... shouldn’t be anymore, Patton intervened shyly. Virgil, he...  
-He what ?  
-He’s becoming a Dark Side again ! Roman shouted in a hurry.”  
Thomas was in shock.  
“What ?  
-Well it seems that he’s... passing time with Remus and Deceit, Logan explained.”  
The human stared at the empty air, where his Anxiety should be.  
“No- not Virgil, not now ! We did so much... I thought he was... feeling better with us.  
-Not anymore, the Morality said with sadness.”  
As they saw Thomas was getting worse, the sides decided to talk about something else. It worked, only for a short amount of time though. Virgil appeared, his skin more pale than ever and his-  
“EYES ! HIS EYES ARE WHITE ! Patton screamed out of fear.”  
Virgil seemed confused before realising : his appearance was changing from staying too long with the other Dark Sides.  
“Look, it’s what I want to tell you about !  
-You need our help ? Thomas asked.  
-Yes !”  
Everyone around him gasped – Anxiety asking for help ! – and the one controlling the feelings was getting sad and angry.  
“How dare you not coming before !  
-Well it seems you do need help, yes, Logan analysed. As you are... changing.  
-What’s happening ? Do I have to slay some monsters ? Roman offered while getting out his sword.”

Just few minutes before, Virgil was considering the solution to the nuisance Deceit and Remus were. Everything took him back to the Light Sides but he was afraid to go. It’s only when Remus was screaming all sort of awful things to upset Deceit that the Anxiety decided to leave his room. He popped in his corner as usual and was welcomed by Patton screaming about his eyes. Oh no, he was already changing... He sighed in himself.  
“Look, it’s what I want to tell you about !  
-You want our help ? Thomas asked.  
-Yes !”  
His friends seemed shocked but he didn’t know why.  
“How dare you ! You aren’t our friend anymore ! Patton shouted at him.  
-Well it seems you have no more right to stand in your own corner anymore, Logan analysed. As you aren’t one of us anymore...  
-What do you want ? What do they want ? Answer or I’ll slay you with my sword ! Roman intervened while taking the said sword out.”  
Anxiety panicked and, with his demonic voice, answered :  
“**I only wanted your help and here you gave me nothing more than insults ! Just like before you are useless and yet, I am the one helping you do things ! You need me but I can’t count on YOU !**”  
The room changed to his own. Deceit and Remus were waiting for him.  
“It didn’t end well, did it ? Deceit asked.”  
Virgil was only confused and anxious : he wasn’t angry enough to scream at them. He was too tired to defend himself.  
“**No it didn’t...**  
-Oh, poor Virgil, not knowing where he belongs... Remus said.  
-Stuck between two worlds... and one of them despise him ! Deceit added. You should come with us : we are always ready to welcome you back, to help you !  
-Even though you said some mean things to us...”  
Virgil sighed. He was seriously considering to join them. He was too hurt... and the others felt how vulnerable he was.  
“Come on, there is only one world where you belong... Deceit insisted.  
-And it is our ! Remus screamed excitedly.”  
Virgil looked at them, unsure. He still hated them, but living without knowing where he belongs was making him more anxious than belonging to the bad side. He lifted his hand and shook Deceit’s one. The latter had the expression of the snake convincing Eve to bite the apple...


	2. Act II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vrigil try to get better, but there is just so much confusion, and maybe someone is distracting him...

Deceit was more than satisfied. He succeeded in his duty and finally his mind triumphed over the paranoia of Anxiety. Remus was dumb, but he could use him and made him do whatever he wanted, like a puppy listening to his owner. He couldn’t have win if the Creativity wasn’t there : Virgil had some sort of attachment with him, as he was in love with his brother, Roman. And finally, Anxiety came back to its roots : being bad. He always had been and always would be. This “light” phase was just him pretending to be good and he rejected himself, his true self. He rejected his true friends and, with the use of simple illusions, he could show Virgil who they were. That didn’t stop Deceit from playing with him...  
“How do you feel Virge ?  
-**Not great...**  
-Why ? Is it because of their words ? Did they hurt you ? Do we have to defend you ?”  
He acted the being-nice aspect to get his trust back.  
“**No, it’s okay just- leave me alone.**”  
Deceit did so. To get his trust. He didn’t know that Virgil was planning his escape. But Remus had other plans. He sat next to his new friend.  
“Hello Virgil ! What about we have some fun !  
-**No.**  
-What about... a monkey ripping Thomas’ eyes out while Joan is pealing his skin ?”  
Following this sentence, he made Virgil watch the idea.  
“**Why are you doing that ?!** he screamed at him.  
-A baby holding a knife and cutting his own cheeks !  
-**STOP ! What do you want ?**”  
Remus smiled at him, resting his head on his shoulder.  
“I think you know that Virgil...”  
The said Virgil sighed heavily.  
  
In Thomas’ living room, the latter was trying to figure out what to do. He was freaking out about seeing anyone, going out or even making a video ! Would it be great enough ? Would people laugh at him ? Would Joan and Talyn be mad at him because he had cancel their plans ? Would he be able to see his friends again without being stuck on this situation ? Would he heal from that or just have heightened anxiety until he dies ? Would he die sooner because of that ? Maybe tomorrow ? What if he choked on his meal ?  
No need to say Thomas was having an anxiety attack. He started to cry, tried to calm myself by bringing his knees up to his torso, hugging them and balancing himself. After a few minutes, everything calmed but he didn’t know why. It kind of looked like when he was younger, having panic attack at any given moment only for it to ease few minutes later – it wasn’t more than an hour. And Logan had an explanation for that :  
“Virgil is apparently giving you these anxiety attacks, but after few minutes it was better as something distracted him- I think it is Remus. He distracted him from giving you more anxiety and that may be the same reason as for your childhood.  
-But how did he distract Virgil ? Patton asked.  
-Well... you see, sometimes, when someone is in depression, you give them hormones that make them happy. It’s the same case here : you artificial provoke happy feelings to come in order to ease a feeling of anxiety.  
-What... ? Roman let out, not understanding.”  
Logan searched his words for a moment.  
“Remus provokes artificial happy feelings in Virgil to ease him. It’s only temporal and not really useful for that matter, in fact.”  
Everyone looked disgusted by what was implied there. And they started to question the whole situation – sleep deprivation made them slower to realize things even as big as Virgil being in danger.

He was getting worse. Deceit and Remus were playing with his nerves and Thomas was being hurt in the process : Virgil couldn’t stand that. He didn’t care about being hurt – his self-deprecation was telling him he deserved it – but he cared about Thomas, and Patton, and Logan, and Roman... They were all being hurt in the process and it’s barely been a day. He had to do something. To confront the Dark Sides with the Light Sides, to show how manipulative they were. So he forced them to follow him in the living room where Thomas was having an anxiety attack.  
“VIRGIL ! Patton screamed as usual – it was an habit.  
-Deceit ! Logan gasped.  
-Remus ! Roman let out, disgusted.  
-Hi, the two last ones said together, waving at the other.”  
Thomas felt so bad he said nothing and didn’t even look at them.  
“What are you doing here ?! Patton asked.  
-Ask Virgil, we never wanted to come ! Deceit answered with a paternal tone.”  
But Virgil wasn’t paying attention to them. He was trying to calm Thomas, talking to him, telling him to breathe... He wasn’t well himself but he still could give it a shot. And as Thomas’ feelings worsen, Patton shouted at him :  
“Anxiety stop !  
-**Stop what ?**  
-Whatever you’re doing ! You won’t hurt Thomas anymore !  
-Ah, ah, ah, as if hurting Thomas was our aim, Deceit defended Virgil.  
-It always was ! Roman intervened.  
-Uh, uh, we only asked to be a part of him, like you ! Remus said, trying to attire their pity.  
-And you have admirably failed, Logan noticed.  
-Shut it ! Deceit attacked back, appearing in front of an unimpressed Logic.”  
The scene was just being a whole battlefield at this point and Virgil regretted his idea. It was the only one he had, except... he made a decision. One of those that leave you determined, that you can’t get out of your head once their in. He watched Patton, Roman and Logan, his friends, facing everything he hated : Deceit and Remus.  
“**STOP IT !** Virgil’s demonic voice interrupted the argument. **Remus, Deceit, we’re leaving.**”  
The ones he talked to stared at him for a moment, not knowing what was going through head. It was a storm, an overwhelming rain almost too loud. He was changing again into his original form but the Light Sides couldn’t see him : he had already disappear...

Virgil hated what he saw in the mirror when he got back to his room. He hated this face he saw : it wasn’t his. The old him was evil, he grew in lies and imaginations of weird creepy stuff. The being he was now grew better with all Roman’s creative stuff, Patton’s positive thinking and Logan’s explanations and help. He was better, and now he was falling in his old habit because he was weak. He had to do something.


	3. Act III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil was lost, once again. And this time, he had no one to rely on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW suicide for this one, even though it's metaphorical beings (but it's an happy end I assure you)

Thomas woke up feeling way better than the day before. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was some sickness he successfully got rid of with a lot of sleep. Yeah, that must be that. He took his breakfast in front of his TV and decided to call Joan after : he wanted to hang out with him and Talyn, maybe visit another friend together. Or going downtown. Yeah, it was a beautiful sunny day with only few clouds, and it wasn’t too hot. Such a perfect day, like Lou Reed say.  
His Sides looked at him oddly, like he was some sort of extra-terrestrial being.  
“Thomas, dear ? Patton called him.  
-Yeah ?  
-How are you feeling today ?  
-Perfect ! I’m feeling perfect ! Why is that ? Why do y’all look so distress ?”  
The Sides looked at each other. It was like a year before, when Vi- Anxiety decided to duck out.  
“Don’t you feel anxious ? Logan asked.  
-No ! Why ? Thomas smiled.  
-Because you had... anxiety ? Roman pointed out.  
-Pff, me, anxious ? Was I ? I don’t remember.”  
The Sides were more and more horrified. It wasn’t like when Anxiety ducked out. It was more than that.  
“He doesn’t remember Virgil, Patton noticed.  
-Who ? Thomas demanded, confused.  
-YOUR ANXIETY ! Roman screamed.”  
He was panicking a little, even if it was normally Virgil’s role. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples.  
“What if... he never wanted to be a Dark Side again and it was just all Deceit and Remus’ will ? Logan offered.  
-Oh, why are we so dumb... Roman acquiesced.  
-We’re not dumb, we were... confused. And I think he was too, Patton tried to ease things.  
-How did we not think about their powers ?! Roman still enraged.  
-Virgil is disappearing, the Logic realised.”  
Everyone gasped except for Thomas who had no clue what they were talking about.

It had been hours. He was in this empty black room since the middle of the night. He waited for Thomas to be asleep before going there, in this corner of his mind where ideas disappeared... He used to watch some of them slowly fading to white before being disintegrated, but he never watched a Side. He would be the first one, what an honour. The darkness around him was comforting in a way, he wouldn’t have liked if it was only light and whiteness. He stood there for an hour before feeling weaker, so he sat down and waited two other hours... Then he lied on his back, looking into the darkness, feeling his strength quitting him... He was calm.

When Roman arrived in the Forgetting Corner, he couldn’t see anything for a moment. When he could, he spotted Virgil on the ground. He ran to him but stopped himself half-way. It was the first time he saw Virgil’s Dark Side on his face : he was absolutely white, with two black circles around his eyes and some cracks from the holes going around his face. It was... frightening. But it didn’t stop him from saving his friend : the latter was unconscious so he had to pick him up and he bring him back to his room. Deceit and Remus weren’t there anymore and he was glad. Roman slowly put him down on the couch and waited there. He just sat across Virgil.  
Thomas suddenly had an anxiety attack and a wave of memories rushed into his brain that caused him to pass out for a few seconds. Virgil had awoken. His host was crying, overwhelmed by the sensations, but at least Patton and Logan were helping him while the Creativity was with the Anxiety. Roman turned his head to him and smiled excitedly.  
“Virgil ! I’ve never been so happy to see you !  
-**Why am I not DEAD ?**  
-Because we don’t like dead friends.  
-**Ugh, that’s not what I wanted !**  
-Hey, calm down...”  
Roman held him against him the second later.  
“You don’t know what you want... We will watch your back better so it won’t happen again. We were fools...  
-**What are you talking about ?**  
-We should have known ! Deceit and Remus, what they’ve done to you ! We should have protect you but we couldn’t, we failed you and I’m so sorry. We were horrible friends...  
-**Roman-** um Roman, Virgil cut him out. How long have you been there ?  
-Me ? I don’t know- What time is it ? Noon ? Dang it’s been at least three hours !  
-You’ve been here for too long ! Virgil complained. Please, leave...  
-No ! I must stay with you- I want...  
-Leave. Now. It’s too dangerous !  
-But I love you, I don’t want to leave you because I need to protect you and make you feel alright and damn I was so dumb and useless and weak I’m so sorry-  
-ROMAN ! Please, the Anxiety’s voice shook at this word. You can send Logan or Patton instead, but you need to save yourself !”  
The forenamed looked at his interlocutor for a second, during which there was just silence. Then he smiled sweetly, shook his head in acceptance and went down to disappear. Patton came instead.  
“Hey kiddo ! Do you feel alright ? Because I sure don’t ! Wait, no-  
-Hey Dad, I’m okay don’t worry.”  
Virgil smiled at him. He still had this creepy face with the cracks and the poor Morality was avoiding this view. The other one didn’t mind, he hated looking at himself too.  
“Hum, so, what do you want to do ? Do you wanna talk ? Patton asked.  
-Hum, not really...  
-I wasn’t talking about your feelings ! We can talk about anything else !”  
Virgil considered this option for a moment then said :  
“I’m in love with Roman.  
-Oh my god I knew it ! his friend squealed. That’s so sweet and pure and adorable and- hum sorry ! Did you tell him ?  
-No ! But- urgh... He told me he loved me when he was panicking...  
-What did you say ?  
-I sent him back because he wasn’t okay, Virgil answered like it was the only thing to do.”  
Patton took a moment to think and stated that yes, it was the best thing to do – not the only one though. He smiled at his dark, strange son.  
“I’m proud of you kiddo...”  
Virge chuckled because he didn’t know what to do.  
“You know what’s weird ? Patton pursued. I want to yell at you so bad because you freaked us out and- oh my god, you tried to kill yourself, he realised.”  
It was the Anxiety’s turn to avoid his friend. He was... shameful. And more than that, he was anxious about hurting his friends.  
“Calm yourself, Pat, I don’t want you to panic already... It’s okay, mh ? I’m... here. And I won’t try again...”  
Virgil wanted to tell Patton about what he felt in the Forgetting Corner, but he knew he would be pained. He still could tell Logan, though, and decided to wait his turn to open up.

Logan’s turn arrived, and he was calm. A little too much though, and Virgil knew him. He was hurt too. The one who always claimed he had no feeling was feeling hurt, because of him. He avoided his gaze for some seconds of silence, that Logan broke :  
“How did you felt ?”  
Well, at least he didn’t have to bring this out on his own. Of course, Logan was curious. He wanted knowledge... so Virgil told him :  
“It was calm. The whole room was dark, with a little light from above... It felt... right, I won’t lie. But I started to feel more and more weak until I couldn’t move : I started panicking. Really hard. Did Thomas feel that ?  
-No, he had already forgotten you...  
-That’s what I thought... Well, it all stopped when I passed out, and after that I woke up there with Roman besides me.”  
Logan felt his friend wasn’t saying everything – he was lying by omission.  
“You sure that’s all ?  
-Uh, yes- I mean, no... I... when I passed out, I heard a voice, it sounded like yours but it was saying irrational things. I heard it the whole time I was unconscious. Was it your Dark Side ?  
-Well, possibly... But I’m not sure, it’s been a long time since I last saw him. Maybe ten years...before we knew you ! That may be why he was in the Forgetting Corner : he’s stuck there.  
-Who is my Dark Side ? Virgil asked suddenly, looking at the ceiling.  
-You.”  
He turned his head to Logan in confusion.  
“You are your own Dark Side. You are both. That’s why you’re so powerful ! Even more than Deceit and Remus because you chose to do the right thing with these powers. Well, Deceit is clever too, but he can’t go against his nature that is lying. And you do. You should give yourself more credit for that.  
-Thanks Logan...”  
They smiled at each other. Virgil was feeling more at peace. With himself, and with the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And THAT was the last act ! But I keep a bonus act that will come out Saturday or Sunday...


	4. Bonus Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's pure prinxiety y'all

Roman came again. He was feeling much better but was a little embarrassed because he remembered telling the Anxiety he loved him. So he didn’t talk when he rose up in the dark room, and Virgil neither. He seemed in a middle of a crisis : he was screaming in his demonic voice, the whole room was shaking – but Roman didn’t feel it – and the most weird : pieces of his face -delimited by the cracks – were floating above it. He seemed... in pain. The first thing Roman thought of doing was hugging him, but it worsened. So he took a blanket, rolled Virgil in and put his hood on his head. It calmed Virgil down a bit, so he continued by putting Virgil’s headphones on his ears. Music finished calming the Side and Roman sighed.  
“Are you okay ? What happened ?  
-Uh, when Logan disappeared, said Virgil, confused, I was alone and I- I heard a voice saying irrational things and I tried to make sense of it but it just- it hurt me...”  
Roman opened his arms for hug but Virgil shook his head so he just sat down by his side.  
“I’m here now.  
-I know you are... I love you.”  
Virgil didn’t dare to look up to his friend after saying that. Roman was crying.  
“I love you too, he answered with emotion.”  
They didn’t kiss, but Virgil held his hand and intertwined their fingers. He had new things to work on, but right now he felt relaxed. That may seem odd, but he had his friends. Even of he hurt people, he was trying to get better, he was willing to talk, to make an effort, and that comforting him in his role as a Light Side. He even started to lose those cracks on his face...


End file.
